Spiked Cuteness
by FollowMeToYourDoom
Summary: When Megamind's latest plan back-fires due to a missing hostage, the blue villain goes in search of her, only to find that she is looking after a little animal, a certain cute spiked one... Pre-movie possible AU, but I up to now, it's not. I own nothing but the hedgehog, all copyright goes to Dreamworks, etc... Review if you have time please :) If not, no big deal (;
1. Chapter 1

As the sun rises on a rather lazy Sunday in mid October, most people are still sound asleep. However, for a certain criminal mastermind it's just the right time to begin clanking away in his workshop. The noise wakes up his best friend and henchman, Minion, who swims around for a bit in his bowl in an attempt to wake himself up, before getting to his robotic feet and going to see if his friend needs any help.

"Good morning Sir!"

"Ah Minion, perfect timing! Hand me those screw drivers!"

"Which ones Sir?" Asks Minion, staring at the 16 or so different screw drivers.

"The Robertson#3, the Phillips#1000 and the TorxT40."

Minion scratches the top of his bowl, as a human might scratch his head, "Erm which are which? You know I don't know the exact names of these things."

Megamind sighs, but describes them in a way he knows Minion will understand, "The one with the black handle, the one that I usually use to repair the brainbots and the one that ends in a star."

Minion locates the required tools and hands them over, "Is this one of the Ro-"

"Yes Minion it is! And with just a few more tweaks the Rock 'em Sock 'em Kittens will be ready for battle!" Says Megamind enthusiastically, while ensuring the sharp metal claws move smoothly, then fastening the robot's foot back together with the Robertson Screwdriver.

Minion doubtfully eyes Megamind's newest invention, "Erm Sir, don't you think you should have focused on something a little less... Well, cute?"

"Nonsense! They're not cute!" Megamind says appalled, "They're deadly fighting machines that will finish Metro Man for good! Look at the claws! And the teeth!"

"Whatever you say Sir, you're the boss." Minion is far too used to his master's ultimate scheme and goal of defeating Metro Man, (not that he approves) but he supposes that it's highly unlikely this new invention will have any effect on the white clad hero so he's not too concerned.

Deep in thought he doesn't realise Megamind is talking to him until the villain sharply taps his bowl, "Minion are you even listening to me? Or were you daydreaming again? You know the Spanish call that 'Pescando' which literally means 'fishing', a rather appropriate comparison I'd say."

"It certainly is Sir." Minion says distractedly, having been shaken slightly by the tap. "Now what were you saying?"

"Because when you fish you-Hmm? Oh yes, yes, that was it. Have you put the projection in place for my prison escape?"

"Yes Sir, I've also got the disguise required recorded in my watch and selected a couple of brainbots for the job of lifting you to safety."

"I hope they're the new models. The old ones tend to pretend to drop me as a joke, and that's hardly appropriate for a supervillain's departure. It's all in the presentation remember Minion."

"Erm... I think they're just a few months old."

"That'll do, and are the preparations for Miss Ritchi's kidnap complete?"

"Almost, I'm just going to give the invisible a quick vacuum in the back seat."

"Min-yon," Moans Megamind exasperated, "She'll be unconscious and blindfolded. She's hardly going to be in any condition to comment on the donut crumbs on the floor."

Minion shuffles his feet, "Either way Sir, I'd like to give it a once over, just in case."

"Fine, but be quick about it! We have a schedule to keep to!"

"Of course Sir, I wouldn't dream of messing up your timing." The sarcasm is lost on Megamind who had turned back to his work in the time it took Minion to locate what he'd need to clean up the car. "Not that it'll make any difference to the final outcome," Mutters the fish as he walks towards the invisible car, vacuum now in hand.

Less than an hour later everything was finished and the Rock 'em Sock 'em Kittens were in position, ready to attack when Metro Man came to save Roxanne. That was the only problem. Roxanne was nowhere to be found. Minion had come back with this strange news in a daze as the reporter usually makes sure she's in one of her usual pick-up points on a Wednesday.

After all, Wednesday was the designated kidnapping day, part of the contract that was wrote up in the hope to persuade Roxanne to be a better kidnappee. That was along with the Frequent Kidnapping Card (free get out of kidnapping token after 50 signatures), the Scream for Cheese Clause (Roxanne was getting fed up of not having anything to eat while she waited for Metro Man to save her) and the 6 weeks minimum vacation time that Roxanne had insisted she needed.

Not that she ever went on vacation; she was far too much of a workaholic for that. She just seemed to want a vacation from him! Although she hadn't cashed in this particular part of the contract this year, a fact Megamind found very interesting. Yet she seemed to have decided that now was the perfect time to take a break, well he wasn't having it. She had to give him at least 48 hours notice before she had time off, so by doing what she had done, she had void the contract.

"Minion, get the car. Let's see if Miss Ritchi has decided to sleep in or if she's purposely avoiding us."

"Oh Sir, we can't go to her apartment, remember what happened last time?"

"How could I forget," He says darkly, remembering the time he'd been attacked by her mad cat, which was now thankfully being looked after by her sister, "But why can't we? She comes into the evil lair on a practically weekly basis!"

"Not of her own accord," Says Minion under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing Sir, I'll go get the car." And with that Minion ambles off leaving Megamind to temporarily shut down the robots, all the while muttering things like 'waste of my time' 'this is not how you play the game' 'stupid ro-bot, turn off already!'

Minion came back a few minutes later to find Megamind repeatedly banging his head on the control panel, "Sir? The car is waiting for you."

"Excellent Minion," he says, still banging his head, "You complete the shut down seeing as it's being particularly stubborn today and I'll go see why Miss Ritchi is playing hooky, today of all days." He finishes, lifting himself out of his custom baby seal leather chair.

"Are you sure you won't need any help?"

"I'm just going to kidnap Miss Ritchi, Minion. I've done that before, and anyway, I need you here to sort out these dim-witted creations of science."

"Okay Boss, the forget-me stick and the knockout spray are in the glove compartment if you need them. Oh and there's some spare rope and the bag in the back seat."

"Thank you Minion, now to work!" Megamind skips off to the garage but comes back 2 minutes later, "Minion, where exactly in the garage did you park the invisible car?"

"Oh, did I leave it in stealth mode? Sorry." And with the press of a button from a nearby remote the henchman makes the car visible.

Shaking his giant blue head Megamind goes back the way he came and moments later the sound of an engine starting up is heard before the squeaking of the wheels announce the blue villain's departure.

Minion turns back to the control panel, presses a button and completes the shut down, "It really is amazing how he seems to miss the most simplest things," Muses the fish turning to walk to his room so he can catch up on his sleep. He hopes his Sir will be okay going to Roxanne's apartment. He wasn't worried about Roxanne; she could handle Megamind any day. Which reminded him, he was going to cook pumpkin pie al la mode for her while she waited to be rescued. It was almost Halloween after all and he needed to be sure he'd got the recipe right.


	2. Chapter 2 Part 1

**AN: Hey there (: thanks for all the views, kisses and poppet-corn for all! Anyway I've spilt the next chapter into two bc I got carried away and wrote too much *shrugs* so this is part 1 and part 2 will be up next week, enjoy! (:**

"Brainbots, lift me up the balcony, that's it, good cyborgs. No, not that one, the one next to it. That's it, now keep a look out! No, not you Kyle, you wait in the car."

Bowg BOWG

"Oh don't be like that, Daddy needs one of you to guard the car."

BOWG BOWG BOOOWG

"For the love of-I'll let you have the first shot at the wrench."

Bowgbowgbowgbowgbowg

"Yes who's a good little cyborg? Now go, all of you!"

Turning to Roxanne's apartment, Megamind sees that the curtains are closed but light streams through a gap in the middle so he knows she's in there. He considers bursting in, but remembers what happened last time he broke into her apartment, what a fiasco that was!

So instead he tentatively knocks on the balcony doors. There's a bang, a squeak, a muffled shush then silence. He knocks again. This time Megamind hears footsteps approaching so steps back hastily from the door and readies the knockout spray.

"Metro Man is tha-" That's all she manages to get out before she's sprayed in the face with - nothing, just air.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me! Damn that fish! He left the old can of knockout spray next to the new one. Honestly!"

"Megamind? What are you doing here?" Roxanne asks, once she's got over her initial surprise at seeing the supervillain on her balcony. How did he even get up here?

"It's Wednesday Miss Ritchi; you weren't in any of your designated kidnapping locations! This violates the entire contract you know! We'll have to draw another one up now, not to mention you threw my careful timing right out the window."

"Yes well I'm a little busy right now Megamind, come back another day." She says tiredly as she goes to walk back into her apartment.

"Wha-come back anoth- Miss Ritchi I am a supervillain! I do not take orders from anyone!"

Roxanne sighs and turns back to her kidnapper. "Look Megamind I can't be your little victim today alright, I've got a little animal in there depending on me."

"What do you mean animal? Is it a puppy? I didn't know you had a puppy."

Roxanne almost smiles, "No it's not a puppy, it's a hedgehog."

"A hedge-what?" Megamind says in confusion, having never heard of such a creature.

"You-you don't know what a hedgehog is?" Now it's Roxanne's turn to be confused, surely he's seen a hedgehog before. "Seriously? You've never seen one?"

"Can't say that I have… May I take a peak? Just out of erm... Scientific curiosity, that's all."

"Sure, sure. I know you have a weakness for cute animals, don't try to hide it. That unicorn you-"

"For the last time it was the Equisnator! It had nothing to do with a unicorn!"

"You keep telling yourself that." Roxanne comments icily, which awards her an 'evil' look from her intruder. "What about the brainbots?"

"Viscous fighting machines!"

"Yeah that's why they know you as 'Daddy'."

"How did you- Have you been spying on me again?"

"A little bit yeah, my boss put me onto that, but anyway-" an audible sigh from Megamind "-getting back to your love of cute animals. That spiderbot you have is like a little puppy! So cute!" She teases him, knowing full well that he seems to have a soft spot for dogs in particular.

"Again, not cute! It's a terrifying monster designed to strike fear into the very heart of humanity!"

"Oh please, that spiderbot is so sensitive, if he sees a mouse he scurries away. Some 'terrifying monster'." She chuckles at the memory of her 258th kidnapping (or was it her 257th?) when the spiderbot had crashed into his master's latest invention, destroying it completely, in his attempt to get away from a little brown mouse.

"He was surprise that's all! It's not his fault he'd never seen a mouse before!" Protests Megamind already knowing full well what she was going to say next.

"Ah, but then what did you do with the mouse?"

"I took it back into the evil lair to look after it..." He says resoundingly. "Okay, so maybe I like some animals-"

"-cute ones in particular."

"Whatever, can I see your stupid hidgeheg or not?"

"Hedgehog, and he's not stupid, he's adorable! I've even given him a name, Spike to be precise."

"Spike? Why spike? That's an absurd name for a hegehug."

"Hedgehog, and you'll see soon enough why I've called him that." Roxanne says with a gleam in her eyes and motions for Megamind to follow. Curiosity got the better of the blue villain and he found himself cautiously following Roxanne into her apartment.


	3. Chapter 2 Part 2

**AN: Hello! Sorry I've posted this a little later than usual, but I've just got in from the airport ^-^ Here's the second part of Chapter 2, enjoy :) I love it when I get reviews, so review away if you have the time, now if you'll excuse I have a pile of homework to do (;**

"That's him," says Roxanne pointing towards a little bundle of blankets, "He's all wrapped up."

Megamind moves closer to the nest which upon further inspection turns out to be a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel with a small lump in the centre. Suddenly the little lump began to move and a small, long nose popped out of the towels, gradually sniffing the air before lifting his head above his little den and looking at the new arrival.

"I see why your average human mind called him Spike; descriptive names for pets are favoured by your kind." Drawls Megamind.

Roxanne glared at the villain before picking up a small bottle of liquid which she had obviously been feeding to the hedgehog before Megamind arrived. "Here," she says handing him the bottle, "make yourself useful while I go make us a coffee."

"Co-coffee?" Splutters Megamind, "You think I have time for a coffee?"

"Just feed Spike will you while I make myself a coffee then if you don't want one."

"I didn't say I didn't want a coffee just that I didn't have time to have one. Like I don't have time to be looking after your pets."

"He's not a pet, I found him abandoned, so I'm looking after him."

"Well at least he didn't land in the prison." Says Megamind, lowering his voice so she can't quite hear him.

"What was that?" Asks Roxanne who was in the kitchen.

"Nothing..." Raising his voice he says, "If he's not your pet, would you consider letting someone else look after him?"

"Someone experience, yes. You, no."

"Who mentioned me?"

"Oh come on! He's cute and has spikes. He's the perfect pet for you. But the answer is no, you don't know how to look after him."

"I could learn, very easily in fact." Says Megamind while he fiddles with his watch.

Roxanne slots the cups under the coffee machine and presses the button for two espressos."Maybe so," She says once the machine has finished whirling, "but what makes you think I'd give poor little Spike to you of all people? The man that repeatedly kidnaps me to get at Metro Man?"

"Because, my dear victim, you know I'll look after the hoglet."

"How-how did you know that that's the name of a baby hedgehog?" Asks Roxanne walking back through into the living room with the coffee on a tray.

"My watch has access to the World Wide Web," says the blue villain with an air of indifference, "Am I correct in saying that the hoglet needs to be fed with a teaspoon of Esbilac, two of tea and a drop of vitamin B complex, everyday?"

"He does? I just fed him on milk." Says a bewildered Roxanne as she sets down the coffee tray. "I don't know how you take your coffee, so I've just brought the sugar and milk. There's some cookies there too."

"Thank you." Says Megamind, reaching for the sugar pot, completely ignoring the milk jug. "So can I take the little animal off your hands? Especially seeing as you don't know what to feed it." Megamind says while adding lumps of sugar to his coffee.

"Yes, I suppose so; after all, I haven't been able to look after him while I've been at work so I - haven't you put in enough sugar?"

"Hmm? Oh no, I'll need more than this too, I usually have around 12 lumps, but today what with me panicking about my plan failing for once-" a snort from Roxanne which she tries, and fails, to disguise as a sneeze. "-I didn't have time to have my morning coffees, so I'll need more than usual."

"So you're basically having a bit of coffee with your sugar."

"I wouldn't look at it like that, but I do need more sugar, so Miss Ritchi, if you don't mind..." He gestures to the kitchen.

"Get your own Megamind."

"I'll have to make do with what I've got then."

"Lazy butt," Mutters the reporter, snatching the sugar bowl out of Megamind's hand before he can use it all up.

"Hey! I wasn't finished with that!" Says Megamind, now reaching for the plate of cookies.

"Tough, because I decided you were, plus I need it. All that sugar is bad for your teeth."

"Miss Ritchi, does it look as if I've ever suffered from bad teeth?" He smiles showing her his perfect pearly white teeth, before popping in a biscuit.

"So you have freakishly good dental hygiene, any other advantages to being an alien I don't know about?"

The alien swallows before saying, "Nothing that I'd tell a nosey reporter no, facts that I'd tell my own Evil Queen? Plenty." He says with a mischievous smile, before sipping at his cup of sugar.

"Like you seriously think I'd be your queen. Just take Spike and be carefully with him he's only a baby-"

"-hoglet."

"Yes whatever, hoglet. So be carefully with him yeah?"

"You know I wouldn't dream of hurting him." He says, serious for once, setting his empty cup down.

"Great evil image you're projecting Megamind."

"I'm kidnapping your beloved pet, that's evil!"

"Suuuure. If that's what you were actually doing. I'm giving you Spike; you're not stealing him at all."

"Minor details Miss Ritchi, lost in the retelling of the story. Now the hoglet if you please." He stood up and held out him arms and Roxanne giggled into her cup of coffee, because he looked so ridiculous. "Just hand him over." Megamind says exasperated.

She did so and soon she was closing her balcony doors and shaking her head. It wasn't true was she'd told him; sometimes he was unpredictable. She found herself smiling; maybe he wasn't so evil after all.


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: Long chapter here, I could have split it up like I did with the previous chapter, but I don't really see the point. I mean, the reason I spilt the previous one up was bc I hadn't finished it. I've finished this one so you guys might as well have it all ^-^. Idk if I'll have chapter 4 up for next Monday, but then again I do have 4 hours on a plane on the Sunday before and then 4 hours on the Monday so, as long as I'm not lazy, I should be able to write it (fingers crossed). Anyway enjoy chapter 3 for now :) reviews welcome as always**

Pulling into the garage, Megamind jumps out of the invisible car, leaving the hoglet in the back, still nestled into the blankets which Roxanne had let him keep until the little animal no longer need them.

There's an explosion of sound as hundreds of brainbots fly down to greet their Daddy. The brainbots that accompanied him to Roxanne's apartment form a line in front of Megamind and BOWG at the others, Kyle more than any other.

"Now, now, play nice. Oh yes, who are evil little creations of destroc-tion! Yes you are! What do you want Kyle?"

BOWG BOWGBOWG BOOOOWG

"Oh yes, the wrench. GO GET IT!" And moving his arm back as if throwing something he sends all the brainbots tumbling to the other side of the garage, even though there's nothing there, "Hahahaha, got you!" He says when they come back staring angrily at him.

Greg, a particularly disobedient brainbot, snaps at his master's fingers. "Nonono. No biting. Here-" Megamind reaches the wrench from a nearby work table making all the brainbots BOWG with excitement, "-Do you want the wrench? Good boy Greg! Ah-ah-ah, it's Kyle turn first, I promised him. The rest of you can join in after." After saying this, Megamind really does throw the wrench, mainly in Kyle's direction, and sends all the brainbots off, once again, in a flurry of BOWGS, red lights and clanging metal.

Just then his watch beeps, "Sir? Sir, have you arrived?"

"Minion! Indeed I have! Code: Where are you?"

"Code: In the kitchen Sir." Minion's voice comes through, "I'm making that pumpkin pie I told you about, so I can't really come down, sorry."

"Code: I'll be right up."

"Code: Aren't you going to prepare the Rock'em Sock'em Kittens for battle?"

"Code: Not yet Minion, not yet! Tomorrow I think, throw Miss Ritchie and Mr Goody-Two-Shoes off track."

Minion notes how his best friend said the reporter's name before the hero, but says nothing about the matter, only: "Roger, Sir."

"Roger? Who's Roger?"

"No-one Sir, it's what they say in the movies. It's like saying 'I understand your message'"

"Ah, I see..." Says Megamind, even though he doesn't. He starts walking towards the elevator to take him up to the second floor where their living quarters are.

_He really needs to stop watching so many mindless drone movies._ Megamind thinks to himself. _I blame DreamWorks: they never seem to carry on with the good movies, so we're left with the dim-witted ones with things like 'Roger'. Honestly!_

Now on the right floor, Megamind turns round and goes through into the kitchen. He spots Minion who is wiping his robotic hands on his apron- which is covered in flour from baking, "You've been a long time, Sir. Shall I proceed to call Metro Man to inform him of kidnapping Miss Ritchi?"

"Erm well, you see... The thing is that I uh, I didn't actually get around to kidnapping her."

"What? Why not Sir?"

"Well she was looking after this little-"

Knowing his boss well, Minion says, "Sir, what sort of creature have you brought home this time?"

"Why do you automatically assume that I'd bring him home?" Minion turns around and raises his brow. "Oh don't look at me like that, it's only happen twice before."

"Five times counting this time actually Sir. Villains aren't meant to set up a home for abandoned pets."

"I have uses for all of them! The bird was used as a model for my Pooper Pigeons, the mouse is useful for convincing the speee-iderbot to behave, the alligators are excellent for dangling Miss Ritchi over, and I'm preparing the elephant for my next scheme!"

"Nevertheless Sir, you shouldn't be making a habit out of this. Also this will put us a day behind schedule, you know how frustrated you get when that happens!"

"I know! And I'm not making a habit of it! We'll recuperate the time somehow. Just get back to your cooking."

"Oh but I was going to give some to Miss Ritchi, do you think we could post some to her?"

"Don't be ridiculous Minion, it would squash." Megamind puts down a bag from the pharmacy before reaching into a cupboard for tea bags.

"What do you need that for Sir? I thought you only drunk tea at weekends?"

"It's not for me, it's for the hoglet!"

"Don't tell me you've brought a baby animal home, you know they take up too much of your-"

"-time, yes I know. Be quiet for a minute Minion, I need you to mix up the formula, write this down." Minion takes a notepad and pen out of his apron pocket - he always carries some writing material as his boss is always coming up with new ideas.

Megamind dictates the ingredients and amounts, pulling out the correct bottles from the bag as he does so.

"Erm, Sir? Did you pay for that stuff?"

"Of course not! Evil does not pay for things! Now this is that esk-bilak that I was on about."

"Esbilac Sir"

"Whatever, have you got that written down?"

"Yes," Minion makes a mental note to drop $20 in at the pharmacy next time he goes past, "So does this need to be heated or...?"

"Of course it does, it is tea! Can't have cold tea!"

"Well actually you c-" Minion stops when he sees the look on Megamind's face, "Er I mean, right away Boss!" Minion gets to work sorting out the hoglet's food while Megamind skips back downstairs to the garage.

Well actually, he only gets half way between the two floors as the elevator judders to a halt. He sighs in frustration and whistles for a brainbot to take him the rest of the way down, getting his head banged in the process. Once there, he proceeds to very carefully take the little baby hedgehog out of the car. The villain looks around; making sure no one is watching him, before cooing enthusiastically at his new pet.

He then whistles again for a brainbot to take him back up to the second floor. This time he makes sure it's one of the very new brainbots, the ones that don't have names yet, as they have motion sensors so hopefully it will be a bit gentler with him and the hoglet.

He still manages to get his head banged and he's almost certain he hears a sort of snickering sound coming from the cyborg carrying him. "Goddam ro-bot." He mutters, "I must get that elevator sorted out pronto; that's the second time this week it's stopped working, and it's only Wednesday!" He stares angrily back at the broken elevator, then once again at the brainbot.

When the brainbot sets him down, the villain walks towards his room while the brainbot glides off in the opposite direction, towards the brainbot re-charge room. "Don't worry like guy; you can bunk in my room!" Says Megamind, flinging open the door and looking around his room.

He's really happy with how it turned out; the last evil lair was so tiny that there was no room for his huge flat screen TV and all his gaming consoles. Not that he has much time to play them of course; he always has plenty of work to do!

"You can sleep here, in the arm chair. It's usually where I sleep, but I guess you need it more than I do."

"Sir?" Minion's voice calls out from the kitchen, "Are you talking to a hedgehog?!"

"Of course not! Don't be absurd! Have you finished the pie yet?" Shouts Megamind in return, possibly louder than necessary.

"Just coming out of the oven."

"Excellent. And the formula?"

"Also done," Minion walks into Megamind's room and hands him a bottle, "Here."

"Oh you fantastic fish you! A villain couldn't ask for a finer henchman."

"Aw shucks Sir, I've made a whole batch of the stuff which should last a week or so."

"Good, because, looking at his developing teeth, I'd say he's about 3 weeks old. In a week he should be able to have water and cat food. Here you go little guy." Says Megamind as he puts the hoglet down in his chair with one hand, juggling the bottle of formula in the other.

"I knew you were talking to it." Says Minion with a smile.

"Not 'it' Minion, his name is Cus-pis."

"Cus-pis? Erm Sir," Says Minion with an air of uncertainty, unsure whether Megamind realises what he's saying, "I don't think that's really the best na-"

"Of course it is! I've carefully thought the whole situation out Minion. Cus-pis means 'Spike' in Latin." As the villain says this he does a little twirl and stares expectantly up at Minion, splashing the warm mixture slightly onto Minion's bowl.

"In that case," says Minion, wiping the glass with his huge hand, "I think it's actually said with an 'n' at the end, despite how it's spelt."

"No that's can't be right Minion, it's Cus-pis!"

Giving up on trying to correct Megamind's ridiculous pronunciation Minion asks, "Why not just call him Spike?"

"Because that's what Miss Ritchi named him, so I'm changing the name!"

"But it's the same name, just in a different language."

"Exactly, a language Miss Ritchi doesn't know!" He says triumphantly with a giggle, "She won't know it's the same name."

"Maybe not but when she starts laughing at you, you'll probably tell her what 'Cus-pis' means."

"Why would she laugh? It's a perfectly good name, isn't that right Cus-pis? My little Cussipispis."

"Now see that's what I'm talking about. Don't - don't say that, like at all. Sir. It's could give people the wrong impression."

"Don't be ridiculous Minion! It's a fantastic nickname if I do say so myself."

Sighing heavily, Minion turns to go back to the kitchen, "I'm going to dish the pie out. It should have cooled down by now I would have thought."

"You're the food expert Minion; I'll be right in as soon as I've given little Cus-pis his food."

"See you later then." And with that Minion, shaking his head, walks off to sort out his beloved Pumpkin Pie while Megamind falls in love with the hedgehog the way he would eventually achieve his lifetime goal: slowly then all at once.


	5. Chapter 4

Roxanne was having a lovely dream; in it she was receiving mass congratulations from her family and friends for reporting the story of the century perfectly. Suddenly her dream took a dark turn and she found her dream self tied up, blindfolded and the familiar scent of Jean Paul Gaultier Pour Homme, oil and metal wafting through the air.

Well, she thought, if this is a dream I might as well wait until it's over. The blindfold was ripped off her face and she found herself staring up at Megamind. Who else? He was staring at her with a look she had not seen before, a sort of lust which shocked her. Then she remembers she had gone to sleep in a tank top and panties so she guessed her dream self would be wearing this as well.

She hadn't been in this part of the lair before; it was dark except for thousands of red and blue lights. Brainbots.

It was about then when she realised she wasn't in a dream, as the rope around her wrists was starting to itch and hurt her.

"Oh shit."

"Yes that's what I thought," says Megamind mischievously, "no doubt you knew I was coming to kidnap you in the early hours of the morning and prepared yourself beforehand." He walked behind her, leaned down and whispered in her ear, "How thoughtful..."

"Don't be ridiculous Megamind," says Roxanne in a voice which seems a bit higher pitched than usual as she jerked forward as much as she could from the tickle of the blue alien's breath. "This is what I usually sleep in."

"In that case, I may have to visit you more often at night."He says in that low voice of his.

"Why have you even kidnapped me today? It's Thursday!" Says Roxanne, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"Yes but I wanted to get back on track and seeing how the was the little issue of Cus-pis, yesterday was a right-"

"Wait, Cus-pis? What the hell is that?"

"The hoglet of course."

"Cus-pis? Seriously Megamind? What was wrong with Spike?"

"Too mundane." He says nonchalantly.

"Sure, and Cus-pis is perfect." Says the reporter, exercising her sarcasm.

"Of course! I'm so glad you realised."

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Can I see 'little Cus-pis'?" She say, imitating Megamind.

"Not with that attitude, no. Now, down to business."

"Wait wait wait, you're not calling Metro Man to save me when I'm dressed like this!"

"Why not? I'm sure he's seen more." Roxanne didn't bother correcting him; let him and everyone else think that she and Metro Man were dating, although she did notice Megamind seemed perhaps a bit disappointed.

"Fine, but this is not being televised."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were in charge of this kidnap. Of course I'm televising this, I always do."

"No, no way Megamind seriously. Have you actually taken a look at what I'm wearing?"

Megamind drops his gaze- and guard, letting a bit of his shyness show though, before quickly covering it up with a smirk and looking back at his captive."First thing I noticed Miss Ritchi."

"Exactly my point," Exclaims Roxanne, noticing his quick change in behaviour, but deciding not to say anything about it, "call Metro Man, but don't televise the kidnap."

"Why don't you _beg_ me? See if that works?" He's sat in his chair now, leaning forward with that smug look on his face.

"God dammit Megamind, _please_?"

"I'll need more than that."

"You're loving this, aren't you?"

"Of course!"

"Urgh, okay here goes: Will the fantastic criminal genius and master of all villainy please not televise the kidnap? _Pretty_ please?"

"You forgot 'incredibly handsome'."

"And you've forgot to have some modesty."

"Now, now Miss Ritchi, remember who has the upper hand?"

"Fine, please will the _incredibly handsome_ fantastic criminal genius and master of all villainy not televise the goddam kidnapping."

"I think that will suffice. Minion! Did you record that bit?"

"Yes Sir!" Came the distant reply of the henchman.

"Oh you're so gonna get it when Metro Man rescues me."

"If, if Miss Ritchi, never lose faith." Roxanne just sighs at this and tries to wiggle her top down some more.

"Where you and failing is concerned, it's always 'when'."

"Tut tut Miss Ritchi, I can always go back on my word."

"You shouldn't, what's the big plan anyway?"

"Oh nonono, you're not tricking me again you little temptress, I shall reveal nothing." Says Megamind elaborately, he now presses a button on his watch and says into it "Minion get in here, it's time execute Plan Rock Sock."

"Right away Sir." Minion came thundering in, wearing the same apron as the day before, now accompanied by pink floral mittens which we're carrying a plate.

"I reheated the pumpkin pie Miss Ritchi, I hope you don't mind. It would have been fresh, if you'd-"

"Min-yon! The contract was violated-"

"Like my privacy." Mutters Roxanne.

"Shut up captive. Anyway as I was saying, the contract is no longer valid, and as such the Scream for Cheese Clause no longer applies! So no; no pumpkin pie."

"But Siiir, it would really help my cooking skills." He looks up at his best friend with 'the look' "Please Sir."

"I'd scream for you Megamind, if I could have some." Says Roxanne, trying to help Minion convince the villain, but then realises what she's said. "Wait, that sounded wrong, I didn't mean that!"

"No no no that sounded perfect Miss Ritchi. Minion, give her the pie, but then I want a good blood curdling scream off you temptress when your 'hero' comes to save you."

"Urgh, whatever. I hope that pie isn't fattening Minion, I can't afford to put any weight on."

"You'd look beautiful no matter what Miss Ritchi," Says Megamind quietly while untying Roxanne hands so she could eat, "Now, the pie Minion."

"What did you say Megamind?"

"Nothing. Min-yon! The pie!" Says a flustered Megamind scurrying back to his chair.

"Right away boss, here you go Miss Ritchi." As Minion handed Roxanne his homemade pumpkin pie he whispered out of the side of his mouth, "You're perfect in his eyes you know, don't tell him I told you that."

"I won't Minion." Says a truly bewildered Roxanne. Did Megamind have a thing for her? She shudders at the thought, she might not have had a boyfriend as such for 2 years (if you didn't count Metro Man; and she didn't) but she wasn't that desperate. She didn't have time to be dating, that's what she told herself anyway.

"Oh Sir? I called Metro Man, he's on his way."

"What? And you didn't think to tell me beforehand?" Megamind holds his giant head in his hands, "Why me? Why always me?" He looks up with a pained expression on his face. "Are the ro-bots in place?"

"Yes Sir, just like yesterday."

Now no longer worried, Megamind jumps up in his chair "Excellent, we may be able to pull this off after all!"

"Sure, just like last week." Scoffs Roxanne.

"Haven't I already told you to shush?"

"Maybe."

"Then kindly do so Miss Ritchi or I will have to gag you again."

"Shushing." Roxanne makes a zipping motion with her fingers and taps a beat against the now empty plate, while Megamind goes over to a shelf of brainbots, waking three.

"Royce, you go check ro-bots 162 and 163 are turned on and ready for battle. Kevin, you bring me a cup of coffee, no milk, 16 sugars. Dave, you watch the hostage, keep a very close eye on her." He then flounces down the aisle, two brainbots in tow.

"Where's he going?" Asks Roxanne curiously, eying the brainbot known as Dave warily.

"I don't know Miss Ritchi, perhaps to check on the hedgehog, who knows?"

"That's something, why did he call the hedgehog Cus-pis?"

"Oh it's actually said Cuspis, you know, with an 'n' at the end, but Sir generally says words as they're spelt so..."

"Ah, and doesn't he realise he's saying it wrong? Very wrong in fact?"

"Yes, in a way. He knows he's saying it wrong and how he should say it, but he ignores me when I correct him." Minion shrugs, "There's only so much a Minion can do. Oh and just between you and me, Cuspis is just Latin for Spike, he hasn't really changed the name."

"I see and what did he mean when he said-" Roxanne is interrupted by the appearance of Kevin who sets his Daddy's cup of 'coffee' down on a nearby shelf before returning to his own shelf and powering down.

Before Roxanne can ask her question again, Megamind reappears clutching a bundle of blankets to his chest; the hedgehog.

"Here," says Megamind, passing the hoglet to Roxanne, "You wanted to have a look at him, right?"

"I think little Spike here has made you soft." Teases Roxanne, wiggling her fingers at the hoglet.

"Cus-pis and no he hasn't."

"Metro Man is almost at the 'pick-up point' Sir."

"Excellent, has Royce returned yet? Oh speak of the devil." The brainbot flies up to him making a series of noises which Roxanne cannot make head or tails of. "What do you mean they didn't charge up last night? Are you joking Royce?" He flings the brainbot aside, though not too hard, spies his coffee, swigs it in one and says to Minion, "Who was in charge of making sure that the Rock 'em Sock 'em Kittens were charged?"

"You were Sir." Says Minion at the same time as Roxanne says:

"Kittens?"

"Sylvester, wake up!" He practically shouts, knocking on the head of a brainbot. "Take the hedgehog to my room. Dave, tie the hostage up and gag her; she's starting to annoy me now."

"No wait- muguhmunm."

Totally ignoring Roxanne now, Megamind turns to Minion, "What do you mean it was me that was in charge? I was looking after the hedgehog, you were meant to be sorting the ro-bots out!"

"It doesn't really matter now Sir, either way, we cannot turn the robots on in time."

"Goddammit! I blame you Miss Ritchi," he says, pointing to her.

"Murh? Umh murh?"

"Because you're the one who convinced me to keep the hoglet as a pet!" Exclaims Megamind, clearly well experienced in muffledese to understand his captive.

"Er Sir?"

"What now?"

"Metro Man is in the car park where the robots are."

"Well fuck."

**AN: I'm putting the author's note at the end this time bc I've left it on a cliffhanger heeheehee. I hoped you liked my little bit of MegaRox flirting, I do so love it when Megs let's his true self show through. Anyway lemme know what you think, and I'll post the next chapter next week!**


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